Playlist

Singing the blues in today’s housing market? Here is your open house playlist

“Love Shack” The B-52s

Here’s a romantic take on a 300-square-foot, $2 million startup studio in Somerville. (Fred Schneider mentions a Chrysler that “sleeps about 20 people,” which also seems like a viable shelter option in today’s market.)

“Small city” John Mellencamp

Millennials, howl that every time you realize you’re overpriced from the suburbs you grew up in.

“Our house” Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

Graham Nash’s 1970 anthem at the simple Laurel Canyon bungalow he shared with Joni Mitchell, describes a roaring fire, cats roaming the yard, and flowers. The current average home price in Laurel Canyon is now $2.6 million.

“Back home” Simon & Garfunkel

Paul Simon and Art Garfunkle paint the melancholy picture of an uprooted troubadour, lonely in a train station, longing for the comfort of his home. They sing:

“But all my words come back to me

In shades of mediocrity

Like emptiness in harmony

I need someone to comfort me.

Substitute “dusty shades of mauve” and “empty in my bank account,” and the tune captures your typical open house.

“Burn down the house” The talking heads

Sounds tempting, doesn’t it?

“Money for Nothing” Dire Straits

Mark Knopfler wrote this after overhearing a conversation between delivery people complaining about their jobs, but he really could have written it about a 23-year-old who magically produces an $800,000 cash deposit, thus outbidding 20 other buyers who have been saving for a decade.

“Step Up” Curtis Mayfield

Not possible in this market.

“Stuck With You” Huey Lewis and the News

Huey Lewis wanted it to be a love song:

“We are bound by everything else

Like the same phone number

All the same friends

And the same address”

Croon this to your disgruntled longtime roommate after another failed attempt to move out.

“I still haven’t found what I was looking for” U2

The house hunter’s lament.

“I will never abandon you” Rick Asley

The anthem of all homeowners who bought in suburban Boston before 2006.

“House of the Rising Sun” Animals

This rumbling ode to a New Orleans brothel could also help sell an east-facing New England abode with dramatic floor-to-ceiling windows and captivating sunrises. The only torture will be the mortgage.

“The Tide is High” blonde

Who cares about the flood zone and the lack of drainage in the basement?

“Take the Long Way Home” super tramp

Once you realize you’ll never find a home in Greater Boston, resign yourself to spending the majority of your waking hours sitting in traffic.

“(I) searched so long” Chicago

You will find the house of your dreams…eventually.

“Take the Money and Run” Steve Miller Band

This one’s for the sellers: Hope your potential buyer discovers mold in the attic, knob-and-tube wiring in the kitchen, and the assortment of mysterious bones in the ceiling.

“Black Water” The Doobie Brothers

Remember to test a home’s plumbing before bidding.

“Please Come to Boston” Dave Connections

If you can afford it.

“You Can’t Touch This” MC Hammer

Best to be realistic.

“I go to the extreme” Billy Joel

Lament it before you sign your mortgage.

“Wild Wild West” The escape club

Worcester looks awfully attractive.

“The Old Apartment” naked ladies

“Why did you paint the walls?

Why did you mop the floor?

Why did you plaster

The hole I made in the door?

This is where we used to live!”

Answer: We painted the walls because they were lilac purple; we cleaned the floor because it was a health hazard; and we covered the hole you drilled in the door because New England winters are cold. Likewise, we always overpaid your dump by $150,000, so stop asking stupid questions.

“Welcome to the Jungle” Guns N’ Roses

Smell this every time you visit a house with creepy flower wallpaper.

“Dancing on the Roof” Lionel Richie

And you could, judging by the amount of glue holding those beams together.

“Against All Odds (Look at Me Now)” Phil Collins

Congratulations: you found a four-bedroom Colonial less than 15 miles from Boston for less than seven figures — and you didn’t even have to give up the inspection!

“Dirty laundry” Don Henley

Do you really expect a working washing machine these days?

“Do not stand So Close to Me” The police

Which is impossible when the kitchen is the size of chewing gum.

“Another Brick in the Wall” pink floyd

A crumbling foundation is just embarrassing at this point.

“Dust in the Wind” Kansas

Ah, the pleasant feeling of visiting a house that hasn’t been updated, redecorated or cleaned since Nixon’s resignation.

“Handyman” James Taylor

Surely you can fix the faulty wiring yourself. (Don’t!)

“Good Vibes” beach boys

When the coating is damaged by picks.

“Life on Mars?” david bowie

Prices could be better there.

“Stepmother” Ernie K. Doe

Your future roommate if you don’t make an offer quickly.

“Our house” Madness

“Our house in the middle of our street”… You will pass over all sorts of faults, even a freeway crossing your living room or absolutely no lawn, to find a home in this market.

“It’s not too proud to beg” temptations

Because there’s no shame in a sentimental, overworked offer letter.

“Money (That’s What I Want)” Barrett strong

Enough said.


Kara Baskin can be reached at [email protected] Follow her on Twitter @kcbaskin.